Sleepless Me

It is thunder storming outside. Just now, my phone has lit up warning me that there is a flash flood on the asphalt 11 stories down from where I am sitting now in my Chicago-city apartment. It is 12:56 a.m. as I begin writing this very sentence to you. The thunder is keeping me wide awake. Thunder is one of the many things that keeps me up on a day-to-day basis. I cannot tell you how many days I get more coffees than hours of sleep. And I know this is not a good thing. Not even something to brag about because frankly I would rather be asleep in my silk pajamas until 11 a.m. and roll out of bed with something altogether decaf. Other days I am up until all hours trying on and throwing around clothes for my following day of work. And still other days, when I am not distracted by wardrobe fantasies or even schoolwork test anxieties, I am thinking about my social life. I often try to weigh in my mind what matters most to me. Being sixteen I think it would be fun to fall in love. The problem is that I am sixteen. And that falling in love is also scary as hell. There is also the small problem of not knowing the person who I would like to fall in love with.

Even though I am sixteen and most of my loves have been ones that reveled in the short-term pleasures and dwindling time frame that makes up a summertime love (not the right word but nonetheless sounds the more summery romantic so I will use it anyways), I will tell you about my experiences. In my experience, guys are great. Guys tend to notice the little things: your perfume scent, your socks, the way your face smiles subconsciously when no one is looking. But at the same time, guys can be not so great. They can play with your emotions, say rash things and expect you to forgive them, and want you to do what they say… always. These two categorizations of men do not always pertain to every man, but, nonetheless, they are pretty much spot on. Maybe it is better to give up guys altogether and devote ourselves to being pretty and single. Maybe guys are not worth troubling our fragile and well, I will say it, sensitive minds.

But we are girls so guys will always be one of the factors at play in our lack of sleep. So the beginning of time old question remains: do you dress for a guy or rather for yourself? Please dress for yourself! But dress well so guys like to look at you. A girl who can capture a guy’s attention at first gaze is altogether breathtaking. Even I, when I see a girl who walks into a room, and who looks good, cannot help but stare. No, but really, you come first. There will be many guys. Guys who try to change you and guys who see you only in a couple of many parts instead of the full you I know you are. I have found that a woman who dresses for herself aiming to look confident looks more beautiful. And people who look confident (guys and girls alike) are always attractive. Warning: this does not mean tight shirts and slim fitting skirts paired with skyscraper high heels. This means wear sneakers when you want to and oversized coats on occasion, pink taffeta dresses to school, and heels to a coffee shop. Wear what you want when you want. Don’t dress for a guy to convey the sexuality he knows you already have. Instead wow him with how you wear the outfit.

Now, I don’t want you to come away from this thinking that you should wear sweats and a t-shirt and call it a day. No, I don’t even do that when I am sick in bed! Wear what you feel makes you feel beautiful everyday. And guys will see it. Dress to impress and in the words of Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel, “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” Chanel might have the best advice concerning men… and clothes ever. For now I am ok falling in love with clothes. And I am ok thinking that everything is the most beautiful in the rain. This only leaves me with one slight problem, clothes you can’t charm, you have to buy!


Cecilia Roses

Photograph by Herb Ritts of Madonna (funnily enough a postcard of this particular photo hangs above my bed and alas I wish I can say I am wearing Minnie Mouse ears too while writing this because that would have been awesome).